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This dog adoption ad is honest AF
There is a dog for adoption and the adoptive mother is so tired of her shit, she created a whole site dedicated to finding him a home very quickly. The ad is different from most you will see for pet adoption due to its sweary nature and 100% complete and utter honesty.
Christine Clauder, a one-year-old mixed-race adoptive mother in Houston, wants Hank adopted because she is tired. She also explained that getting this dog up for adoption was “like trying to find a Tickle-Me-Elmo on Christmas 96”. It’s not that Hank isn’t adorable, he’s just extra awesome.
“His adoptive mother has several other critters that are tiny,” the PleaseadoptHank.com website bed. “After experiencing his ever-active personality, they are NOT HERE FOR THAT. We’re all tired of Hank. Not because we don’t like it, we’re just TIRED. It’s like he’s drunk ALL OF OUR COFFEE. You know it’s bad just by using all caps.
Interested parties should be able to match his energy (“maybe you like CrossFit”), but you have to be prepared to train Hank to channel all that power into something positive. He weighs a foolish 54 pounds “with eyes like the ocean. Unfortunately, that ocean also sank the Titanic.” He also “knows basic commands like ‘sit’, ‘down’, ‘shake’ and ‘why are you so fucking crazy, stop chewing that and get into your fucking kennel.'”
If you already have kids, dogs, and cats in the house, Hank can fit in. Or not. The ad simply reads, “It’s a possibility. “
Clauder also has reviews of Hank on the website, including, “If I weren’t a lazy shit my kids would love Hank” and “This dog is a Peloton trainer after a triple espresso.”
Like I said before, this posting is honest AF.
A few good things to note about Hank if you are interested in adopting him: “This asshole likes to keep you company no matter what you do,” she wrote. “Kitchen? He’s going to stand between your legs and trip you up while you hold knives.
Something to consider.
She has also included a plethora of videos so you can see that he is kennel-trained, takes treats gently so he doesn’t lose an appendix, and doesn’t have balls. At least Hank won’t father other Devil’s Children who will eventually need to be adopted as well.
Clauder Told The HuffPost that Hank’s adoption site made sense since she volunteered for the Houston-based Abandoned Animal Rescue for the past eight years and, because she maintains their website, why not add a little extra for this very extra dog to get him adopted by the right family?
Let someone adopt this dog and share updates on his shenanigans for the rest of his life, which could probably be 20 years out of sheer spite. Plus, if anyone is interested in a creative writer with crazy sales skills, Christine Clauder is also available for hire. She is “currently unemployed and looking for a job.” Index index.
